I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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