I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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