I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
PANTIES FOUND
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
