update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
