farters have to be the big spoon...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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