come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
two words...techno handjob
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
