FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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