I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
