Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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