it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
