I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
