I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
