Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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