so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
