just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
