my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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