Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
