Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
