I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
