somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
