I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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