yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
