Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
