I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
BRING THE BAGELS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
