He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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