i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
