The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
