So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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