I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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