I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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