we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
