She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
