i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
