i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i need to put some appletini on your dick
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
