I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
