I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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