mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
