I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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