I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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