everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
