in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
