Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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