I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
