Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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