and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
