She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
