its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
