I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
