five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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