Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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