If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
