member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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