My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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