ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i dont even know how to be here
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
