i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
