I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
