Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
