i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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